I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
