Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
