The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
