I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
