I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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