So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
