Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
