The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
