I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
