Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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