we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
