is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
