i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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