I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
