i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
