I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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