'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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