Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
