Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
