she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
