my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
