We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
