i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
