I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
