yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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