we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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