i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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