I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
