oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
