If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
