she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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