why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
