surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you. Go after that dick
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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