Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
