I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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