Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
