I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
