Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
