i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
