Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
