Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
