why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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