My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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