just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
