im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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