Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
