omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
