I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
