I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
