I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
