I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
